Adjusting

I sat in a long stall in March, changed my food and weight loss started back up and I started steadily, slowly, safely losing. I felt relieved to figure out my food and my body requirements.I felt relieved to have such great care providers. Weight loss was rolling along again.

Then I hit 211. And I felt stressed, agitated, and riddled with anxiety.  So I had days of eating more than I should. I ate food I shouldn’t and didn’t plan. I have spent 3 weeks doing that. I have done lots of things to fix the situation but I know deep inside what I needed was sleep.

My therapist warned me that there is a repectable percentage of overweight women who gained weight over years as they did not feel safe due to abuse, etc. When those women start to lose, this will rear its head and for me to recognize this and know that I need to give myself rest….and keep my appointments with her.

So yesterday I weighed myself and took a long breath in and reminded myself that it’s ok. I weighed 210. I recognize that weighing 209 suddenly feels frightening. It must as I bounce from 211 to 215. I know it’s in my head, I am in no more danger at 209 then I was at 234 and I can work through it.

So today was off from work, so I lazed. I napped. I bundled up in blankets and watched tv. I had to go get dog food and had to fight the food demons in my head but I managed to leave with only what I planned on buying and came back home to more blankies and tv.

It’s interesting that when I weighed 241, I was like, YIPPY!.. then I kept going, when I hit each pound gone, again I was in a YIPPY mood!…It all got more and more exciting……Then 214 hit and my mind somehow was like, ” Hey, wait… are we really losing all our weight here??” I reminded myself, yes. And after that things got muddy.

Today I rested, napped and allowed myself to get use to the idea. I have lost 45 pounds so far from my high weight, so maybe it’s not all that crazy to need a bit of time to get use to it.

 

 

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